yeah so he knows.

10 05 2011

i do not feel very good currently. in fact, i feel awful. like nothing was worth it. like nothing is worth it. hopeless. but at the same time, i can honestly say i’m used to it. and that this was what i was expecting. and that it’s not like it hurt any less but that the pain becomes numb after each hit now. um. i don’t know. i knew. i knew this was going to happen and i don’t know what forced me to say it but i said it and i don’t feel like.. i regret it. i don’t, right now at least. i feel more like.. why am i alive. lol. why am i even alive. and it’s not like i can talk to anyone about it. and it’s not like anyone cares so. i have to sit here and tolerate.. life. and everything that it is. and it hurts. and it hurts. and it hurts. a lot. there is a pain in my chest and my eyes are leaking. and my nose is running. but. as many deep breaths as i take, i can not get air into my lungs. i’ll be fine. i’m sure i’ll be fine. eventually. i’ll get over this. this.. everything will be fine. it’ll be okay. i’ll be okay.

“i’m going to sit here. and i’m going to smile. and i’m going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt. as much as it really, really does. as much as it feels like i’ve jumped off of a bridge and hit the ground face first, i’m going to say that i’m fine. and they’re all going to believe me.” -vc.





3 05 2011

so i made a vow to myself that i’d tell my crush i like him this month.

jesus god why.





“if you keep having to figure out where you stand with someone, maybe it’s time you start walking.”

1 05 2011

i really don’t want to walk though. ):





everyone sucks.

26 04 2011

everyone.





i really, really hate my hair.

23 04 2011

it’s so plain.

and ugly.

and boring.

and i blend in with everyone.

i don’t know. it’s not like i want to be seen or noticed.

but i feel like no one would even take a second look at me.

honestly, i’m really ugly lol.

and really upset.





23 04 2011





everyday i wake up and plan on feeling better.

14 04 2011

everyday i feel the same.